Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you squeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2007-03-06 14:51:28 · 30 answers · asked by Vance's girl 2

1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
A licker cabinet.

2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
A Klondyke.

3. What is a lesbian dinosaur called?
A Lickalotapuss.

4. What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
Fur Traders.

5. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
Well Hung.

6. Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
She was found face down in Ricki Lake.

7. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
Even the pool table doesn't have balls.

8. What do you call lesbian twins?
Lick-a-likes.

9. What's the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

10. What's the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other's a crack snacker.

2007-03-06 14:49:29 · 10 answers · asked by sugar_n_spice 5

YES! they found her face down on Ricki Lake! :)))

2007-03-06 14:38:14 · 16 answers · asked by sugar_n_spice 5

In an exceptionally long corridor in a Space Station, there are one thousand windows along one wall. Coincidentally, there are exactly one thousand people in the station. Dr Man orders the first person to open the blinds on every window. Then, he orders the second person to close the blinds on every second window. Then the third person is told to go to every third window, and close the blinds if they are open, and open the blinds if they are closed. The fourth person does this for every fourth window, and so on. After all 1000 people complete the process, how many blinds are open?

2007-03-06 14:34:55 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, I need something to keep me horny.....Keep me potent".

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says "Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours".

The guy says "Gimme three boxes"

The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.

In a paired voices, the man moans out "Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat".

The pharmacist replies in horror "You can't put deep heat on that".

The man replies, "No, its for my arms, the girls didn't show up".

2007-03-06 14:34:49 · 7 answers · asked by BUSHIDO 7

2007-03-06 14:16:21 · 30 answers · asked by Bruno M 1

that he wanted to mount her on the wall. I know I mounted her on the floor, but the wall? How is this possible?

2007-03-06 14:15:14 · 7 answers · asked by Jim R 4

2007-03-06 14:12:35 · 7 answers · asked by furisded 3

1. A word I know, 6 letters it contains. Subtract just 1, and 12 is what remains. Whats the word?

2. What other letter fits in the following series:
B C D E I K O X?

3. While walking across a bridge I saw a boat full of people. Yet on the boat there wasn't a single person. Why?

4. You are in a cold house in the winter. It is dark. You have one match. There is a candle and there is a wood burning stove. Which do you light first?

5. What happened in 1961 that will not happen again for over 4000 years?

6. A man wanted to enter a club but did not know the password. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "12." The member replied, "6 " and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "6." The member replied, "3" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough. The doorman said ,"10" and the man said "5". He was not let in. What should he have said?

2007-03-06 14:05:29 · 13 answers · asked by ♥Peanut♥ 2

ok, some kids in my english class had shown me this and it was really cool. don't say that i have too much time on my hand, because they told it to me.
with this neat eye trick, you can get night vision in your own eyes.

what you need to do is to get in a room with the lights on and everything.make sure the tv is on. now while the lights are on close your left eye. then place your hand over the closed eye. make sure that no light enters that eye. keep the other eye open. now turn all lights off except for the tv. watch the tv with the eye that is open for 2-3 minutes. now shut the tv off. make sure you can't see hardly anything in your room. close the other eye and open the eye that you closed in the beginning. now if you did it right you got night vision in that eye for about 1-2 minutes.

2007-03-06 13:50:53 · 10 answers · asked by ben h 2

2007-03-06 13:40:03 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-06 13:38:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

thwe devil wuz fighting with God.cuz God sent away an engenier/architect 2 hell cuz he wuz mean.whaen he got there he maid hell a better place.so god said"ill sue u if u dont give me him bak"the devil replied"where r U gonna find a LAWYER

P.S.my moms a lawer so its not that im mean 2 lawers

2007-03-06 13:31:01 · 6 answers · asked by Clarissa H 1

Like I said good ones..I wont like Bad ones and you know what that means. NO

2007-03-06 13:29:44 · 15 answers · asked by ironknuckles05 2

Im in a really bad mood.So can you please cheer me up!!

2007-03-06 13:19:04 · 7 answers · asked by ♥sweety♥ 1

save me! save me! good impression huh? lol?

2007-03-06 13:18:14 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its a little prank. We are just trying to fool our friend that she has a secret admirer.
Since we have lockers in PE, we are planning to put the love letters in her locker.
I really need help on writing the letters. We are planning for the prank to last about 2 to 3 wks. I need ideas. Could you please put some things you might put on the letter to sound realistic or examples
THX

2007-03-06 13:14:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

what soda do you like?

2007-03-06 13:04:51 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous

and said she had crashed the car,i said what happened she said i was driving and all of a sudden a tree appeared out of nowhere.
she said she veered left and right and the tree was still there.
i said u stupid cow it was the pine tree air freshener

2007-03-06 13:04:03 · 26 answers · asked by thewokinn 1

2007-03-06 13:02:34 · 16 answers · asked by nakatablue 2

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

2007-03-06 12:59:28 · 22 answers · asked by G 3

how do we have a god and also space how can heave a sky and a space all be up think

2007-03-06 12:57:47 · 5 answers · asked by kiyazual p 1

I nearly crashed the car, I was laughing that much....

I think it is funnier for the married men out there...lolololol

Okay....

In marriage, there are three rings.

Three rings?

Yes, three rings.

The Engagement ring.

The Wedding Ring.

The Suffering.


lolololol.

Come to think of it, it is probably just as funny to the females out there lolololol.

2007-03-06 12:55:25 · 12 answers · asked by dteacher1uk 5

i will wait 10 minutes and state who has the best jokes.


one joke only or you will not win

2007-03-06 12:46:48 · 15 answers · asked by habeebladen 1

my mate was carrying his german sheperd dog down the street,
i said how are you dave,he said i have got to put the dog down,
i said is it sick ?
he said no its heavy.
(you will get it later)

2007-03-06 12:44:55 · 22 answers · asked by thewokinn 1

I never was, am always to be, no one ever saw me, nor ever will, and yet I am the confidence of all, to live and breathe on this terrestrial ball..... What am I?

2007-03-06 12:43:25 · 10 answers · asked by Tina R 1

i have to get back at two people that have pranked me so far

how can i get them back really badly

please help with thiss

2007-03-06 12:39:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The man behind the counter says "You're not fat and you've still got it."

2007-03-06 12:38:12 · 7 answers · asked by ? 3

if we have a god that made us then there was a god to make that god and there was a god to make that god god god so how did the frist god get made by another god think

2007-03-06 12:37:54 · 6 answers · asked by kiyazual p 1

i turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2007-03-06 12:37:35 · 14 answers · asked by onnabonona 1