Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-16 17:11:53 · 10 answers · asked by pink 2

Should i sue

2006-06-16 17:03:36 · 4 answers · asked by jaws878787 2

i want to cheer up my friend. he sort of failed in something. i just need a joke or anything that can make failure seem as something not be ashamed of.

2006-06-16 16:43:44 · 12 answers · asked by anak sendu 4

A man walks into his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and isn't Superman.

How did he do this?

2006-06-16 16:37:34 · 21 answers · asked by Chelsea G 1

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50.



The question is: How did the man win the bet?

2006-06-16 16:36:37 · 13 answers · asked by Chelsea G 1

Mostly dirty

2006-06-16 16:35:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-16 16:31:51 · 2 answers · asked by gloria m. 1

2006-06-16 16:30:30 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

jokes & riddles

2006-06-16 16:27:54 · 38 answers · asked by woolala 2

really theres jokes for every race except white

2006-06-16 16:24:08 · 14 answers · asked by J.P. 1

jokes & riddles

2006-06-16 16:09:52 · 10 answers · asked by woolala 2

through a hole in the bathroom door watching your great grand dad take a sh1t ,

2006-06-16 16:05:40 · 11 answers · asked by ronald r 3

2006-06-16 15:58:10 · 19 answers · asked by spackler 6

jokes & riddles

2006-06-16 15:55:45 · 14 answers · asked by woolala 2

Jokes & riddles

2006-06-16 15:53:54 · 6 answers · asked by woolala 2

JOKES & RIDDLES!

2006-06-16 15:52:28 · 17 answers · asked by woolala 2

I am seriuos

2006-06-16 15:46:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Riddles and Answers1. What is it the more you take,
> the more you leave behind?
>
> 2. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user
> doesn't
> see it. What is it?
>
> 3. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both
> born in
> Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How
> is
> this possible?
>
> 4. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain
> on
> Earth?
>
> 5. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always
> in
> the summer. How is this possible?
>
> 6. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories.
> Art
> Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a
> German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers he
> defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was
>
> presented with a sword bearing the inscription "To Captain Bragg for
> Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion
>
> 8." Captain Frank looked at Art and said, "You really don't expect
> anyone to believe that yarn, do you?" What's wrong with the story?
>
> 7. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion
> or
> politics, agreed is between heaven and earth?
>
> 8. In what year did Christmas and New Year's fall in the same year?
>
> 9. A woman from New York married ten different men from that city, yet
> she
> did not break any laws. None of these men died and she never divorced.
>
> How was this possible?
>
> 10. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American
> dollar
> bills?
>
> 11. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
>
> 12. A taxi driver was called to take a group of passengers to the
> train
> station. The station is normally an hour away, but with traffic being
> extra heavy, it took a full hour and a half. On the return trip the
> traffic was still as heavy and yet it took only 90 minutes. Why?
>
> 13. How could you rearrange the letters in the words "new door" to
> make one
> word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
>
> 14. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never
> eat a
> penguin's egg. Why not?
>
> 15. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The
> yolk of
> the egg is white"?
>
> 16. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a
> wooden
> leg. Why not?
>
> 17. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for
> admission to
> the "International Home Show". One of them was the father of the
> other's
> son. How could this be possible?
>
> 18. After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27, 1983,
> would a
> Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his widow's sister?
>
> 21. There is one word in the English language that is
> always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?
>
> 22. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given
> 15 cents. What time is it?
>
> 23. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one
> foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water.
> The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide
> peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest,
> how many rungs are under water?
>
> 24. There is a house with four walls Each wall faces south.
> There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of
> the windows. What color is the bear?
>
> 25. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?
>
> 26. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is
> broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor.
> You find Sloppy dead on the floor. How did sloppy die?
>
> 27. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet
> wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?
>
> 28. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of
> water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball
> of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket of water at 30 degrees
> F, dropping both of
> them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of
> the bucket first?
>
> 29. What is the significance of the following: The year is
> 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th.
>
> 30. What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a chimney up?
>
> 31. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks
> in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if
> he combined them all in the center field?
>
> 32. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move?
>
> 33. "Only one color, but not one size;
> stuck to the ground, yet easily flies.
> Present in sun, but not in rain;
> doing no harm, and feeling no pain.
> What is it? "
>
> 35. He who makes it does not keep it.
> He who takes it does not know it.
> He who knows it does not want it.
> He who gathers it must destroy it.
> What am I? "
>
> 36. This creature, part man and part tree,
> hates the termite as much as the flea.
> His tracks do not match,
> and his limbs may detach,
> but he's not a strange creature to see."
>
> 37. A man holding a chicken, a fox, and a bag of corn comes to a river
> with a rowboat that
> can hold him and one other object. Keep in mind he can't leave the fox
> with the chicken
> or the fox will eat it or leave the chicken with the corn for a
> similar reason.
> How does he get them all across? "
>
> 38. A cowboy was gone on a 6 day roundup. He left on Sunday and
> returned on Tuesday. How did he do that?

2006-06-16 15:42:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need something that can ridicule failure. as if failure is not something to be ashamed of... that failure is all right. i just need something funny to cheer up a friend.

2006-06-16 15:42:01 · 3 answers · asked by anak sendu 4

hes everything she has ever wanted. 2 weeks later she murders her sister...why?

2006-06-16 15:31:40 · 15 answers · asked by frostyg02uk 5

A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try.”

The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy ****, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy ****! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said.

So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ***, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going to deal with a baby who has slanted eyes, white body, and black legs?" The woman replies "I'm just glad it didn't bark!"

2006-06-16 15:25:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-16 15:22:25 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-16 15:19:22 · 4 answers · asked by F.B.I. 4

She was only a... The first 29 I found online -- the rest I'm guilty of!

*"She was only a plumber's daughter, but she sure 'gave my heart a wrench!'
She was only a stableman's daughter but, she 'handled all the horse manure!'
She was only a hacker's daughter but, all her 'bits were in their proper arrays!'
She was only a butcher's daughter but, she 'could REALLY pack Salami!'
She was only a gynecologist's daughter, but, she sure 'could play her vulva!'
She was only a stockbroker's daughter, but she could really 'ride the BULLS!'
She was only a taxi driver's daughter but, she knew how to 'keep your meter running!'
She was only an accountant's daughter but, she knew how to 'profit from her bottom line!'
She was only a farmer's daughter but, she 'knew her carrots from her carats!'
She was only a furrier's daughter but, she knew 'how to produce minks!'
She was only a programmer's daughter but, she sure knew 'her 1's from her 0's!'
She was only a sheep farmer's daughter but, she sure knew how to 'fleece her flock!'
She was only a preacher's daughter but, she sure knew how to 'fleece her flock!'
She was only a fishmonger's daughter, she had 'crabs on her place,' poor soul!
She was only an electrician's daughter but, she had 'all the right connections!'
She was only a coal minor's daughter but, she had a 'mine of her own!'
She was only a marine colonel's daughter but, she was 'rotten to the corps!'
She was only an artist's daughter but, she knew where to 'draw the line!'
She was only a bus driver's daughter but, she knew 'where to get off!'
She was only an architect's daughter but, she knew 'all the angles!'
She was only a fisherman's daughter but, when 'she saw my rod she 'reeled!'
She was only a minister's daughter but, 'I wouldn't put anything pastor!'
She was only a creditor's daughter, but she 'allowed no advances!'
She was only a taxi driver's daughter, but 'you auto meter...'
She was only a plumber's daughter, but she had 'good connections!'
She was only a surgeon's daughter, but oh, 'what a cutup!'
She was only a photographer's daughter, but she was 'very well developed!'
She was only the village belle, so I gave her a 'ring!'
She was only a golfer's daughter, but her 'form was perfect!'
She was only the milkman's daughter, but she was the 'cream of the crop!"*
From here the rest came out of my sick freaking mind...
She was only a pool man's daughter, but she 'sure had nice pontoons!'
Only a secretary's daughter, but she 'had the nicest fonts!'
Only an auto mechanic's daughter, but 'she sure blew my rod!'
Only an auto mechanic's daughter, but I 'loved her clutch!'
Only a grease monkey's daughter, but 'was sure slippery!'
She was only a plumber's daughter, but she 'sure did love my snake!'
Only a moon shiner's daughter, but I 'loved her still!'
Only a feline fancier's daughter, but she had 'the best pu$sy in town!'
Only a watch maker's daughter, but she 'loved to make time!'
Only a jewelrer's daughter, but 'I gave her a ring!'
Only an ER nurses daughter, but she 'hooked me right up!'
Only a doctor's daughter, but she sure 'made me feel good!'
Only a doctor's daughter, but 'after seeing her I didn't need Viagra!'
Only a pharmacist's daughter, but she 'had unlimited refills!'
She was only a psychiatrist's daughter, but 'after seeing her I threw away my Zanax!'
Only an ophthalmologist's daughter, but she 'was an expert with one-eyed things!'
Only a psycholist's daughter, but 'we blew each others minds!'
Only an orthopedist's daughter, but she 'always gave me a *****!'
Only a dermatologist's daughter, but she'd 'pop me like a pimple!'
Only a neurologist's daughter, but she 'came like an epileptic fit!'
She was only a urologist's daughter, but she 'knew where my prostrate was!'
Only a plastic surgeon's daughter, but 'her **** were homegrown!'
Only a pediatrician's daughter, but she'll 'always be my baby!'
Only an otolaryngologist's daughter, but 'was deaf, no sense of smell, but she had a deep throat!'
Only a chiropractor's daughter, but she'd 'massage my ligament!'
Only a plebotomist's daughter, but I 'loved to stick her and only drew blood once!'
She was only an endocrinologist's daughter, but 'my gland always swelled!'
She was only an x-ray tech's daughter, but she 'showed me things I never seen!'
Only a receptionist's daughter, but she 'always gave me the prime appointment!'
Only a herpetologist's daughter, but she 'had a way to make my snake grow!'
Only a politician's daughter, but she 'could lie with the best of em!'
She was only a vegetarian's daughter, but she 'could toss my salad anytime!'
Only a weatherman's daughter, but she 'always forecast foreplay!'
Only a waitresses daughter, but she 'had the nicest tips!'
Only a comedian's daughter, but she 'always found my ticklish spot!'
Only an astronaut's daughter, but when I 'saw her moon I blasted off!'
Only a millionaire's daughter, but 'the silver spoon wasn't in her mouth!'
Only a manicurist's daughter, but I 'loved to nail her!'
Only a pedicurist's daughter, but she 'made me curl my toes!'
She was only a seamstresses daughter, but I 'loved to unravel her hem!'
Only a cake decorator's daughter, but she 'really dug my frosting!'
Only a junkie's daughter, but 'try as I might I never ODed!'
Only a detective's daughter, but she 'was most comfortable undercovers!'
Only a bartender's daughter, but she 'gave head not to my beer!'
Only a beekeeper's daughter, but 'I loved to sting her!'
She was only a tattoo artist's daughter, but I 'got under her skin!'
Only a fisherman's daughter, but she 'knew where to cast my worm!'
Only a Bluesman's daughter, but her 'nipples were hard as she shuffled!'
Only an accordion player's daughter, but she 'taught me to polka!'
Only a musicians daughter, but you should've seen 'her sound system!'
Only a trombone player's daughter, but 'her own lubrication made her slide!'
Only a violin players daughter, but she 'loved to fiddle around!'
Only a harmonica player's daughter, but 'her tongue was the best part of head!'
Only a Blues harp player's daughter, but she 'had a nice embouchure, on both lips!'
Only a guitarist's daughter, but she 'sure could strum her own G-string!'
She was only a sound man's daughter, but she 'had top notch speakers!'
Only a sound man's daughter, but she'd say, "Don't use that 'tone' on me!"
Only a drummer's daughter, but 'no machine can replace her!'
Only a piano teacher's daughter, but she 'taught me to boogie!'
Only a hippie's daughter, but she 'always gave me a peace sign!'
Only a songwriter's daughter, but 'there was rhythm in her bizzounce!'
Only a singer's daughter, but she 'had the best lungs around!'
Only a saxophonist's daughter, but 'man can she blow!'
Only a poet's daughter, but she 'left me tongue tied!'
Only a writer's daughter, but she 'never left a dangling participle!'
Only a writer's daughter, but she 'left everything clearly obscure!'
She was only a railroad worker's daughter, but 'that's how I learned to ball the jack!'
Only an army sergeant's daughter, but 'I always sprung to attention!'
Only a dairy farmer's daughter, but 'man what udders she had!'
Only a pig farmer's daughter, but she 'really dug my pork!'
Only a hunter's daughter, but I 'saw her rack without a scope!'
She was only a hair dresser's daughter, but she 'loved my shampoo!'
Only a lawn mower's daughter, but her 'hedge was always trimmed!'
Only a prostitute's daughter, but she 'had a good hooker!'
Only a used car salesman's daughter, but she 'knew her way around a back seat!'
Only an attorney's daughter, but she 'dotted her 'i's and crossed all her T's!'
She was only a smuggler's daughter, but she 'had the best hiding places!'
Only an actor's daughter, but she 'loved to play!'
Only a caddies daughter, but she 'could carry those bags!'
Only a carpenter's daughter, but I 'loved to hammer her!'
Only a police man's daughter, but I 'loved her line up!'
Only a camper's daughter, but 'every time I saw her I pitched a tent!'
She was only a jockey's daughter, but she 'gave the best rides!'
She was only a pet shop owner's daughter, but I 'dug her puppies!'
Only a sandwich maker's daughter, but I 'loved to eat her!'
Only a stone mason's daughter, but 'was very well sculpted!'
Only a bedding maker's daughter, but she 'sure had nice pillows!'
She was only a gardener's daughter, but she 'had the best rosettes you ever seen!'
Only a gardener's daughter, but she 'sure made my cucumber grow!'
Only a gardener's daughter, but she 'had the best tomato's!'
Only a communist's daughter, but she 'always gave me good Marx!'
Only an ice cream seller's daughter, but 'I loved to lick her!'
Only an alcoholic's daughter, but I 'loved to liquor!'
She was only a reporter's daughter, but she 'knew where to find the dirt!'
Only a security guard's daughter, but 'she used to rip my boxers off!'
She was only a CEO's daughter, but we 'merged and it didn't cost millions!'
Only an AOL pervert's daughter, but 'we had sigh burr sex!'
Only a dry cleaner's daughter, but she 'left my underwear firmly pressed!'
Only a librarian's daughter, but I 'often looked her up!'
Only a boater's daughter, but she 'had a built in life jacket!'
Only a producer's daughter, but 'when I saw her I always got a hard on!'
She was only a mail man's daughter, but she 'always delivered!'
Only a goalie's daughter, but she 'was an easy score!'
Only a surfer's daughter, but she 'always gave me a woody!'
Only a cosmetologist's daughter, but she 'always put out!'
Only a trucker's daughter, but she 'could take a big load!'
Only an apprentist's daughter, but she 'taught me many things!'
She was only a stock clerk's daughter, but she 'never ran out!'
Only a banker's daughter, but 'her figure always added up!'
Only a 12-stepper's (AA) daughter, but 'we started at thirteen!'
Only a blondes daughter, but she 'was too dumb to know better!'
Only a baker's daughter, but she 'had the sweetest pie!'
She was only a garbage man's daughter, but she 'often let me dump my load!'
Only a machinist's daughter, but she 'was a hell of a grinder!'
Only a welder's daughter, but she 'could melt steel!'
Only a manufacturer's daughter, but her 'baby maker broke down!'
Only a warehouse worker's daughter, but I 'often packed her up!'
She was only a bar room drunk's daughter, but 'had no closing time and never IDed me!'
Only a fruit picker's daughter, but 'man what peaches she had!'
Only a fruit picker's daughter, but she 'had pitless plums!'
Only an illegal alien's daughter, but she 'used her secret on the Border Patrol!'
Only a gambler's daughter, but 'loved it when I rolled her bones!'
Only a drag racer's daughter, but she'd 'blow me and I'd fuel inject her!'
Only a gas station owner's daughter, but she 'let me dip my stick!'
She was only a Master Card holder's daughter, but I 'always fit into her slot!'
Only a TV pastor's daughter, but she 'taught me all about sinning!'
Only a deep sea diver's daughter, but she 'loved to go down!'
Only a zoologist's daughter, but I 'went ape over her!'
Only a biker's daughter, but she 'gave wild rides!'
Only a fireman's daughter, but she 'sure knew her way down a pole!'
She was only a die maker's daughter, but I 'loved all her tools!'
Only a fuel delivery driver's daughter, but she 'was hot as a firecracker!'
She was only a Klansman's daughter, but she 'wouldn't be caught dead under white sheets!'
Only a disc jockey's daughter, but she 'never took commercial breaks!'
Only a mover's daughter, but man she 'wouldn't stop!'
Only a toll collector's daughter, but she 'didn't require exact change!'
Only a clown's daughter, but she 'loved to fool around!'
Only a Mexican chef's daughter, but 'her taco was tasty!'
Only an Italian chef's daughter, but 'knew what to do with my meat balls!'
Only a New Yorker's daughter, but she 'often used the finger!'
She was only a Polack's daughter, but she 'loved my kielbasa!'
Only a Russian's daughter, but 'I loved her borscht!'
Only a Frenchman's daughter, but 'told me all about Paris (Hilton)!'
Only an African's daughter, but she 'could purr. I ain't lion!'
Only an Egyptian's daughter, but 'was always good for a hump, or two!'
She was only a Greek's daughter, but I 'French kissed her a$s!'
Only a Chinaman's daughter, but her 'wok was always cwooking!'
Only a Southern Californian's daughter, but she 'could blow like Santa Anna winds!'
Only a Floridian's daughter, but she 'gave more rides than Disneyland!'
Only a Floridian's daughter, but she 'could blow like a category five hurricane!'
Only a Mississipian's daughter, but she 'had me slurping the blue!'
Only an Englishman's daughter, but she 'loved to Ben Dover!'
Only an Englishman's daughter but she 'had the best crumpets in town!'
Only an Irish man's daughter, but she 'had a special Dublin or nothing!'
Only a Texan's daughter, but 'told me the big in Texas is a myth!'
Only a Muslim's daughter, but she'd 'get on her knees and not face Mecca!'
Only a rabbi's daughter, but her 'bagels were the best!'
Only a Jew's daughter, but she 'had a special Matza balls recipe!'
She was only a Trojan's daughter, but she 'was my favorite condum!'
Only a grave digger's daughter, but she 'knew where to bury the bone!'
Only a calendar makers daughter, but she 'couldn't keep her dates straight!'
She was only a lawyer's daughter, but she 'had the briefest briefs!'
Only a tobacconist's daughter, but she 'soon became a habit!'
Only a janitor's daughter, but she 'knew how to dust my broom!'

Here's the link to my site, now I definitely have music, and me singing "That's Just the Way That I Am," an original, there and pics too. Don't just stop at the front page scroll down and check it all out! Keep checking back it just been updated... I made a new page, "Me and Evilbay (A work in progress)." There are pages "How to Know If you're a New Yorker," by me and "Willys Jokes." A little humor on the serious side! Sign the guestbook too y'all!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-06-16 15:06:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

we were looking at winter coats and he was letting some really nasty rotten egg farts that stunk and we went further yp yhe aisle and these other people walked up where we just left and got these really foul looks on there faces and the lady puked right on the floor....ha ahhahah ahhah......do you ever have something like that happen to you?

2006-06-16 14:53:38 · 8 answers · asked by good guy 4

People tell me that after a six pack I start talking other languages like French ,Spanish,Portuguese.They also notice that after a twelve pack I go into more difficult one like Indu,Arabic,Japanese.One time at a party I end up drinking a twenty four pack,they said I started talking Chinese.I don't believe i ca't talk so many languages when I'm drunk,does this happen to you too?

2006-06-16 14:50:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is spooky and comes out at night?

2006-06-16 14:43:38 · 7 answers · asked by Kirby and the Sqeaks 1

Have you ever done something stupid but funny at the same time? Like push a door that said pull?

2006-06-16 14:23:47 · 19 answers · asked by KK gal 1

2006-06-16 14:16:34 · 36 answers · asked by Felicia Fox 6

2006-06-16 14:13:46 · 12 answers · asked by alliegator 3