Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the
city and they were in a mall for the first time in
their lives. The father and son were strolling around
while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back
together again. The boy asked, "Pa, what's at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator)
responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything
like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with
amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up
to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls
opened and the lady rolled between them into a small
room. The walls closed and the boy and his father
watched the small

2006-06-14 05:22:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What am I ?

:o)

2006-06-14 05:19:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

first off i'd like to apologize, i got sidetracked with my jokes, i was trying to bash another user on here by the name of scooby doo, he has a vagina, but here is my joke, two penguins were sitting by thier exhibit in the zoo, the first one looks up and sees a boy leaning over the guard rail with an ice cream cone, so he swims toward the kid, jumps out of the water and splashes the kid in the face with water, the kid drops his ice cream and the penguin steals it, the second penguin is impressed so he waits for another little kid to visit, low and behold, here is a kid with a bag of funyons, the penguin tries the same move as the other and the kid drops the bag, but before the funyons hit the water, patrick swayze jumps and rescues the funyons, throws them to the little boy, and tackles the penguin, man, patrick swayze sure saved the day on that one, hooray for patrick swayze the park ranger!!!! woo hoo!!

2006-06-14 05:18:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

ANYTHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE

2006-06-14 05:06:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 04:55:59 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

John bet his friend Bob he could fit 5 apples into his mouth at once. So Bob agreed, thinking nobody could possibly pull that off. They bet $20 on it. But when it was over, Bob walked off without his $20. How did John win the bet?


........ b as creative , imaginative n original ... well of course u hav to b funny !!;)

2006-06-14 04:52:11 · 6 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-06-14 04:49:48 · 9 answers · asked by davidjohnsonelwyn 2

They call me a man, but I'll never have a wife.
I was given a body, but not given life.
They made me a mouth, but didn't give me breath.
Water gives me life and sun brings me death.

What am I?

2006-06-14 04:42:53 · 10 answers · asked by Oorah Wife 3

I am more microscopic than microscopic; I am more minuscule than minuscule.
I am smaller than small and I am tinier than tiny.
Yet surprisingly, I am still big. What am I?

2006-06-14 04:40:15 · 19 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

Am I? Am I?

2006-06-14 04:30:01 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

the first one to give the rite answer gets 10 points

2006-06-14 04:23:37 · 19 answers · asked by THE_NICE_ONE 1

A German scientist, an American scientist and a polish scientist were working on an experiment. The german scientist put a fly in a Petri dish and pulled its back legs off and said “fly, fly”. They fly flew around the room and back onto the dish. he writes in his book “fly’s can fly without their back legs”.

The American scientist pulls the front legs off of the fly and says “fly, fly”. They fly flies around the room and lands back on the dish. he writes in his book “fly’s can fly without any legs”.

The polish scientist pulls fly’s wings off and says “fly, fly”…” FLY, FLY”. He stands there for a minute and then writes in his notebook “flies cannot hear with out their wings”.

funny?

2006-06-14 04:12:44 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I can do things you think defy physics.
Like rock a cradle and go around the world.
I can be weighted and work or be broken and still work.
And I am hot as fire or cold as ice.

2006-06-14 04:10:02 · 15 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

31, 62, 113, 144, 175, 226, ?, ?, ?

2006-06-14 04:05:38 · 13 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

2006-06-14 03:58:48 · 28 answers · asked by elmo0753 2

Seriously check out his profile pic on 360, I think he is. I loved him in "the Goodbye Girl" and "What about Bob". Is Yahoo his way of slumming, have all his acting gigs all dried up.
Where can I write to him, I would love an autographed picture.

http://360.yahoo.com/profile-WsNcgSojd6udxqXigdey0ok-?cq=1

2006-06-14 03:58:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-14 03:45:19 · 22 answers · asked by Patrick M. 3

what do freedom fighters fight?

2006-06-14 03:43:26 · 12 answers · asked by � Fuzzy Dice 5

There was a famous mathematician named Karl Friedrich Gauss. When he was young, he entered Gotinga University. One day he met an old professor, and spoke to him. They chatted, and the professor asked Gauss about his age.

Gauss said: "The cube and the fourth power of my age contain each digit from 0 to 9 exactly once."

The professor said: "Very good. It's good coincidence because the square and the cube of my age contain each digit from 0 to 9 exactly once."

How old was Gauss, and how old was the professor?

2006-06-14 03:24:31 · 8 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

A 911 call came in that a young mother had gone into labour. She was at home with her young 3-year-old daughter. Nobody else was at home. Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn, the 3-year-old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Her mother pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again!"

2006-06-14 03:00:34 · 24 answers · asked by roadkill 2

smooth skin, smooth body, smooth talk... name something that people don't want it so smooth!?

2006-06-14 02:45:29 · 16 answers · asked by LetMEtell&AskYOU 5

a clergyman who stuttered and had spent many years abroad as a missionary was asked what had sustained him most in his work. he replied: "my wife. she has b-b-been a b-b-big b-boon to me."

2006-06-14 02:33:18 · 11 answers · asked by bmyfriend 3

I bet 100 euro with my flatmate that Brazil will win the cup. He thinks that Germany will have a better luck. The match with Croatia was a disaster... How can I convince him to cancel the bet?

2006-06-14 02:30:59 · 6 answers · asked by Styloroc 4

these can be about anything how fat, stupid, skinny, ugly,ect.

2006-06-14 02:27:35 · 15 answers · asked by fallenangel 2

A very attractive young girl was about to enter the church in a topless dress when the vicar ran towards her.
"im very sorry madam," said the vicar, "but i cant let you go inside the church like that".
"but i have a divine right", protested the girl.
"yes," agreed the vicar, "and you have adivine left too, but i cannot let you into my church like that"

2006-06-14 02:20:43 · 28 answers · asked by bmyfriend 3

Central Middle School is hosting a city-wide ping pong tournament. 20 students signed up for the tournament. Each player plays another; the winner goes on to the next round. Elimination games continue until there is one grand winner.

How many games must be played to find the grand winner?

2006-06-14 02:18:18 · 26 answers · asked by sammy 3

2006-06-14 02:17:13 · 17 answers · asked by babees94 1

2006-06-14 02:05:05 · 14 answers · asked by babees94 1

1. A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are working at a construction site. One day the brunette said, "If I have a ham sandwich, I'll jump off this building and die." She had a ham sandwich, so she jumped and died. The next day, the redhead said, "If I have a cheese sandwich, I'll jump off this builiding and die." She had a cheese sandwich, so she jumped and died. The next day, the blonde said, "If I have a PBJ sandwich, I'll jump off this building and die." She had a PBJ sandwich, so she jumped and died.
At the girls' funeral, the brunette and redhead moms cried and regretted for packing the "deadly sandwiches." Then they asked the blonde mom, "Why don't you feel guilty?" "Because," the blonde mom said. "My daughter packed her own lunch that day.

Q: A butcherman has a wife, 2 kids, a dog, is 5 ft. 9, lives in CA, has red hair, and likes to wear womens' clothing. What does the butcherman weigh?
A: Meat.

2006-06-14 02:02:24 · 16 answers · asked by LasagnaRocks! 1

A cabby picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't
stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to
ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as
I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say
or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun go down on me."
She thinks a bit and then responds, "Well, let's see what we can do
about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm
Catholic too!"
The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My
dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm
married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a
Halloween party."

2006-06-14 02:02:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous